Crookshanks Crazy Stories
by Mindifislytherin24
Summary: A Collection of Drabbles following our favorite feline friend Crookshanks! Rated M just to be safe for language
1. Chapter 1

Master Hermione gone with friends to Hogsmeade for the day. My feathered friend Hedwig is out delivering a letter. I am all alone in the Gryffindor Tower. Oh what fun. I stretch from my position by the window. I hop down and head towards the Boys Room. I have lots of fun in the boys room.

The boy named Seamus usually hides goodies under his bed. Let's see what he has today. Ah damn, chocolate. I can't have chocolate. Moron. Still, i can use this. I pick it up and drag it to Weasley's bed. That should stir up some fun. Hmmm. Weasley left trunk open. Let's give him some fur to wear. I rub myself all over his black robes till they are covered in fur. Ah that should do it.

Longbottom left his wand behind again. Moron. Lets leave it under Dean's bed. He won't find it for a week.

Ooooh, something smells good from Potters trunk. Damn, he locked it again. Smart boy. Still, i am smarter. Claws don't fail me now. Ahhh success. Now what is smart boy hiding. Ooooh cat treats for christmas. Well since they are for me anyway i'm sure he won't mind i eat some now.

Now let's go see if i can find someone to give me a back scratch. Ah wait. Moron Weasley stepped on my tail yesterday. Clumsy buffoon. Let's take a tinkle under his pillow. Ahhhhhhh that should piss him off.

Oooh i sense Fred downstairs. He gives great scratches. Ahhh it it Fred. I must hop on his lap. Don't ignore me ginger scratch my damn back! Ahhh there we go. His twin George scratches my ears. I am in heaven.

Oh look Master Hermione and friends are back. I hop off Fred's lap and run to master. She picks me up and gives me a treat from her pocket. I love Master Hermione. The boys head upstairs. It is only a matter of time.

" DAMN IT RON! WHY YOU KNICKING MY CHOCOLATE?" Seamus yelled.

" I DIDN'T KNICK YOUR FUCKING CHOCOLATE, YOU MUST HAVE LEFT IT ON MY BED. WHAT IS THAT FUCKING SMELL?" Ron yelled.

" CAN YOU TWO KNOCK IT OFF AND HELP ME FIND MY WAND?" Longbottom yelled over them.

Potter comes down stairs grinning. He has treat bag in his hand.

" Here crookshanks, since you snuck into my trunk and found your present i will let you have it early." Potter handed it to Hermione and laughed, scratching my ears. " You have been having fun in the boys tower again haven't you?" He smiled as Hermione groaned.

" Crookshanks, must you taunt those boys so much?" She set me down and walked towards the couch.

Five….

" WHAT THA?" RON Yelled.

Four….

" FUCKING HELL!" He Yelled again.

Three…

I could hear footsteps running down stairs.

Two…

Ron comes into the common room. Nice shade of red.

One…

"CROOKSHANKS YOU EVIL FUCKER COME HERE!" He yells again running toward me.

"Petrificus Totalus!" Hermione yelled, stopping Weasley in his tracks.

Ahhhh i love Saturdays.


	2. Chapter 2

Snape mean teacher. Greasy haired moron. Master Hermione stressed trying to complete his work before holidays. Mean man.

His office smells funny. Potions and ingredients smell nasty. He is sitting at his desk oblivious to my arrival. Just as well. I don't need him blaming Master Hermione.

I creep along the walls to the table behind him. He has a potion brewing. Wonder what it is? It smells nasty. Nasty man making a nasty potion. He left the ingredients out. Moron. I add a few more to mess his potion up. It turns weird shade of pink. Uh oh, now it's bubbling. I hop down as he turns around at the noise.

He curses and looks around the room. He does not see me hiding near his feet. He blames peeves. Moron. Peeves cannot compete with me.

Suddenly the potion explodes covering the room in sticky pink tar. My bad.

I slink away sticking to the wall to keep from stepping in the mess. As i leave the office i feel a draft coming from my tail. I turn to look. MY FUR IS GONE!

THE STICKY PINK TAR MUST HAVE GOTTEN ON MY TAIL! MY BEAUTIFUL FUR!

I run to the Gryffindor tower. Master Hermione can fix this.

" Hey Hermione! Crookshanks is missing some fur!" Potter yells.

"WHAT?!" She runs down the stairs and scoops me up cradling me in her arms.

" HAHA look at him, his tail is…" Ron stopped when i hissed at him.

" Damn it Crookshanks what did you do?" Hermione set me down on the armrest and waved her wand over my tail. My fur grew back! Smart Hermione.

Nearly Headless Nick drifted into the room.

" I am to let you know, potions has been cancelled. There was a potions explosion in Snape's office. Professor Snape is fine, but his office is covered in a mysterious pink tar." Nick laughed floating out of the room.

" Good Crookshanks." Potter whispered as he grinned petting my head.

Master Hermione gives me strange look. I meow at her innocently. She shrugs and walks away. Potter still grinning. Potter smart boy.


	3. Chapter 3

Ah this boy was a god. I found him outside by the lake! Originally i was going to walk past him, a mouse had escaped my grasp and i was determined to find the little moron. But the boy saw me and called me over to him. He began scratching behind my ears like a pro. Even Master Hermione wasn't this good. Pretty soon he found all my favorite spots to be scratched. I was in feline heaven. This boy was not a moron.

Master Hermione was off in the library studying. Potter and Weasley were attempting to do homework. It became too painful to watch. I attempted to help but Weasley kept yelling at me to get off his paper. Moron. I try to help and that's the thanks i get.

Female weasley was off in the corner silently watching Potter boy. Hopeless she was. Too distracted to even give me a scratch.

The boy laid back on the grass and dozed off. I rolled over in his lap and exposed my belly to the sun. Ahh this was nice day. I trust this boy. I nap on this boy.

My ears heard awful footsteps walking toward us an hour into our nap. Stupid morons. Don't they know it's nap time.

" Oi, Draco, what are you doing?" big fat boy said.

" Yeah mate, we been looking everywhere for you." tall boy said.

Hmm Draco….that sounded familiar….but i can't place it.

" Obviously you idiots, i was napping until you bumbling buffoons interrupted. You must not have been looking to hard, seeing as how anyone in the castle could simply look out the window and see me. What do you bloody want?" Draco boy said. Hmmm. i like this boy already.

" Nothing, we're just bored is all. Say, why you have Grangers cat?" tall boy said.

Grangers cat…..i looked closer...boys were wearing Slytherin colors….Draco…...uh oh….now i remember… Master Hermione normally calls this boy Malfoy….but he goes by Draco as well..

" WHAT?!" Draco boy looked down and screamed out, jumping up and sending me flying off his lap. I hissed as i ran off. Oooh i hope Master Hermione doesn't find out about this.

" Damn it all. I didn't realize it was her cat." I heard Draco boy say.

I ran back into the castle and up to the common room where the boys were still hopelessly lost in homework. Morons. I hopped up on the couch to sulk. Found the god of scratching and it turned out to be Masters mortal enemy.

Moron Crookshanks.


End file.
